the mummy

the egyptians did not document the process of mummification
did not tickle sheets of papyrus with inked instructions
or carve the bellies of buildings
maybe they thought it was too holy to ever be inscribed
but after years of whipping tomb doors like anthropological slaves
we've boxed their secrets into a science

first a bath in sodium solution
then an incision directed to the abdomen
third, they removed all organs excluding the heart
dehydrated the cadaver with natron
stuffed dried cavities
and finally wrapped them in linen
six steps would bring you to gates of heaven

i contemplate if the egyptians knew of their fate
treated mummies like their monuments
elaborate and beautiful

while some find this process grotesque
i don't know what could be more romantic
than to see your insides
to treat your physiology like a monument
if only you were not afraid to cut me open
if only you were not afraid of truth
i want truth
i want to disintegrate into a time before christ
inhale the breaths of a priest sweating into the face of anubis
so i can
for once
reach inside a man without killing him

the egyptians did not leave behind documents
only sparks for mass produced translations of hieroglyphics
dressing scripture in multilateral incisions
turning ancient texts into suicidal ransom notes
into personal ads into love poems

i write you love poems and when you ask who they're about
i say, somebody else
nah we could never work out cause i'm a cancer, and you're a virgo
i speak in tides to massage your earthquake insecurities
ocean wave words splash against your beached mindset
just hoping for erosion
while we circle lake washington
periodically blowing amnesia into bloodstreams
interacting like ocean and earth would after the apocalypse
discovering fault lines for the second time
because we left our hearts in tact

and you might have forgotten, but i haven't
we are not in the afterlife
this is limbo
our priests were organ thieves who dumped our bodies into the nile
our exes are defaced gods who left us face down
in the mud and in between bed sheets

no the egyptians never left instructions
but you and i never needed any
we are professional embalmers
now this process has become all too familiar
over and over again we

bathe in ripples of laughter
unfold our vulnerabilities
remove all rationality
fight until we lose all trust
stuff our egos
and dress them in silence
six steps away from the gates of heaven

over and over again
i fall into the eye of your hurricane
even with the storm pressing against my back
still lay down to die
thinking you will take me there
only to awake alone in the coldest silence
with iodine bruises and fresh iron exit wounds
i am a fool to think you could look inside me
when you can't stand the sight of my naked body

you want a mountain range
with ribs like the himalayas
someone magnificent and deadly
something worth fighting for
but my belly is an inverted valley
hosts glowing orchards that do not bloom all year round
the trees do not hide at sunrise
but stretch their backs and purse their nectarine lips
knowing their harvest is just around the corner
i am where seasons exist

i was alone before you
and i can be alone after
liberation is lived through isolation
i am killing this part of myself to breathe again
yes, you were once my priest
but you could never bring me to the afterlife

my place in the world

my place in the world
is two rubber soles taking root
between black gum spots embedded in blocks of cement

my place in the world
is on street corners
i am a feature of inner city safari
for passers by safe behind teflon glazed vehicles
to whom i appear dirty and unreal

my place in the world
is a breathing piece of art
with two pairs of lips
one of which
i am supposed to keep shut
and the other
always open

my place in the world is a plethora of identities
i got more names and numbers than a phone book!
ma, ho, shorty, dime piece, honey dip, bitch, down ass bitch
5 foot 5
measurements
36
28
39
36, 28, 39
36-28-39

these names and numbers have come to real my life
because in a man's world
all that matters is
who you know
and how much you can get

as women we've been stretched to fill a capitalist model
our bodies
should reach their full potential
as simultaneous incubators
24/7 sex machines
and holding cells for male discontent
our bones are bars
constantly beat on
so-called male revolutionaries
expressing distress for men higher up but
blindly releasing violent words against our wombs
are not war drums

my place in the world
is like water
cause i've been told the only things you should never pay for
is water and pussy
i guess i am just like water
for my mind has been polluted
with abstract colors shapes lines
packaged in billboard skin
made up in jawbreaker layers of mac make-up
bound in nudity
and blinged out handcuffs
eyes chained to TVs and magazines

my place in the world
is to be occupied
arranging mental filing cabinets
bursting with collections of cut-out fashion ads
images of what i am supposed to look like
above each illustration
a title, and a measurement
just names and numbers are all i know

my place in the world
is to be occupied
like the land my grandmother slept on
punctured with shells and stamped with the approval from boots of GIs
where my body is under martial law
the pathway from school to home is a war zone
a battle is between me and soldier struggling to unzip
but he's got 100 lbs and 10 inches on me
so i find religion in 30 seconds and pray to their god
that after he's done he'll snap my neck
i'm already so close to dead

seeing through salt waterfalls as he
rips
splits
me open
defiles the holiest place of my body

playing dead

my place in the world is a feature on 3rd world military tours
he is safe behind his bright flag and shiny gun
and i am dirty and unreal

my place in the world is
pollution
occupation
names
numbers
stained with sweat and sperm
occupied by thoughts of
ho
bitch
shorty
36. 28. 39.

my place in the world is just
a woman

1nce again

it's 96 degrees outside
and you stopped responding to my texts
yes
i get mad
when you don't write me back
i will say some stupid shit like
what the fuck are you fucking doing when you aren't fucking responding me
even though i know you're downstairs
tickling records till they join chuckling bass lines
sometimes
i imagine you're knitting notes and stringing them to symbols
constructing a monument of symphonies
a hidden display of your affection
but i know it's probably to your ex girlfriend
the one you dated 2 years ago for 4 months
and still haven't gotten over
after all
we are just friends

i am not traditional
in the traditional sense
you will learn to hate me for that
you will have to learn to hate me

i am not traditional
after the line-up of ex-boyfriends
i realized
i have never been in love
just lonely
or drunk
or broken
i have always been broken
you will hate me for being broken

i am not traditional
i do not find resolution in you
i find solace
you breathe silence like gunshots
sending volumes of quiet that relax my every muscle
your eyes glow like windows lit up at night
lighthouses

my eyes are cinders
that burn you down to size

i am finding reasons to burn you
you will hate me for burning you

are you okay with that
are you okay with my naked body
with hair in some places
my cellulite
love handles
can you handle the force of my flesh
against a backdrop of megan fox
against facebook photos your ex girlfriend

you know i am not traditional
in the traditional sense

i am not her
i do not wear pastel colors
or drink flavored vodka
i do not suck validation out of dick
i do not come with an off button
i cannot fit in this love triangle you're shoving me into
i do not fit in shapes
i am not beautiful
i will not be your video vixen
or the coffee for your sugar
i will not kiss you after she's spit in your face
i am not her
you will learn to hate me for that
you will have to learn to hate me

i am always at war
ready for battle

we are always at war
i am always losing

i am returning to my fog
when callouses are carved and scurvy takes our bodies
i will still drag tracks of paralysis to the helm
when we'd rather feel water gliding through
the grooves of our fingerprints than the fog
i will still grab for land beyond the horizon my eyes can barely touch
when the lanterns sigh out their last flames
i will still clutch you and ignore passing ports of fortune

after the wars are over
after we've decorated the sea with casualties
and our ships, once magnificent
our pride, once impregnable
are in pieces

i will treat your wounds with moonlight
i will trace the bodies of verses into your back
with my fingertips
plant poetry in between dissenting vertebrae

you will learn to love me
you will have to learn to love me

you will never learn to love me

it's 68 degrees outside
this is the 16th time i've given up on you
the air is thick with what could have been
i learn to breathe accordingly
i will learn to breathe accordingly

yay

it was a...mild wednesday night... i was bored... so jocelyn and i decided to play poetry tag... try it sometime!

jocelyn: bravado lingers off my emotions and all i want to do inhale, exhale, breathe it all in.

robin: breathe in smoke like swallowing eggs of eels and coughing up their newborn ghosts

j: hauntings occur more than sunrises and i'm getting used to it setting into my skin

r: i'm getting used to settling into my life like getting ready every morning is a landslide

j: and i be dirty, grungy, filthy, fuck it call me a disaster

r: my respiratory system collapses into windstorms. my bones fold and buckle into earthquakes. there is no richter scale for anatomical breakdowns.

j: the smoke dances in my body like a hurricane, veins crumble as ribcages release flying canaries. this is why the caged bird sings.

oh my god

i made the conscious decision...to not smoke tonight! and now i can't sleep! my brother, whom i am jealous of, is sound asleep, induced by mj itself. so what the fuck man. i could clean. i could. but i'm not in the cleaning mode at all.

instead i'm texting jocelyn about our favorite animals and colors and how i'm not in the same time zone as her when i sent her 11:11.

lalalala

apia summit

was amazing!!! i hope to see you all again soon. you are what keep me going.